2.5 years ago, one of my high school students was impacted by a suicide in her family. I was a first year teacher, and I didn’t know what to say or do to support her. The first time I had her in class after the event I asked her how she was doing, she said she was okay, and I nodded in support. Then I thought that the best thing I could do was to help her return to her normal routines. I tried to pretend like nothing was wrong, and that the best path forward was to continue with the school curriculum. What else could I do?
A week later I was talking to a fellow teacher who also had this student, and I asked her opinion of how the student was doing. This teacher had a better relationship with the student, and had learned that none of the student’s teachers were talking to her about it. It seems like we all had come to the same conclusion; It was not our place to get involved with such a personal matter. But then I started to wonder, who was helping this student navigate this difficult time? By not talking to her, were we sending the message that students needed to figure out how to navigate these situations on their own? Was this in the best interest of the students?
This episode has stuck with me over the years. I concluded that I would not force any of my future students to face such a difficult time alone again. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say or if there was a “correct” way to support a grieving student, but if a similar situation ever presented itself, I needed to try to help. I could let the student know they were not alone. I could listen patiently and peacefully as they shared what was on their mind. I could be honest. After this event in 2015, I knew I had failed to meet this challenge successfully. The next time, I vowed that I would try harder. Unfortunately, this was not a one time event.